Personal Growth and Goals

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The New Year has arrived with all the certainty of a sunrise. Last year's holidays are finding their place in the ever lengthening trail of memory. And, the task of meeting the objectives of last year's business plan is very much on our minds. That’s not all that’s on our minds. The “past” is also on our minds. For each of us, at one time or another, the past is too much on our minds.  Regret can feel like a predator that stalks our efforts to move into a constructive future. At the very least, regret can force us to obsess about what might have been and to demand that life grant us a better past.

In our best moments, we accept that there are no known time travelers. We cannot walk into a phone booth [as was the case in Bill and Ted’s Big Adventure], dial up the year in question, and propel ourselves back to the moment we spoke the word or committed the act we now regret. There is no going back. The best we can do is learn from the past and resolve to create a better future. Ironically, our resolve to create a better tomorrow will eventually result in the creation of a better yesterday! It is only a matter of time until today becomes yesterday.  The choices we make today can create the future, and the past, we would most like to have.

Creating a better yesterday is not easy.  Letting go of our demand that life grant us a better past means making some choices our ego may find distasteful  such as forgiving a family member or colleague who hurt our feelings or who disrupted our well-laid plans.

Here are some suggestions for creating a better yesterday --- as you create a better tomorrow.

• Connect with others. Do something positive for another person. Reach out and connect with family, friends, and colleagues. The people around us do not want to be impressed by us nearly as much as they want to be valued.
• Get a sense of humor.  The scariest and unhappiest, people invariably lack a sense of humor --- especially about themselves.  Their need to be seen as perfect and infallible sucks all the oxygen out of their personal and professional relationships. Laughter is good medicine. And, at least in this case, self-medication is a good thing.
• Surrender the need to always be right.  Do not confuse surrender with weakness. Take the first step toward repairing a relationship even if it bruises your ego a little. Be the bigger person. You will feel better for the effort. Besides, not only are there two sides to every disagreement, but no one, including you and I,  are 100% right, 100% of the time.
• Think things through.  Create a better tomorrow, and yesterday, by carefully considering the impact of today’s decision on tomorrow’s family or work environment. Be sure the down side is acceptable. Otherwise, today’s poorly considered decision will become tomorrow’s regret.
• Savor the moment. Make a conscious effort to find the good in each moment. Life is too short to live only in the past, only in the future, or only in a little of both. Enjoy the company of family, friends, and colleagues. You’ll be less sad and more glad as the years roll by.

Here’s a New Year’s resolution for all of us: Resolve to create a better past!

For more information about Ken Chapman and Associates’ Leadership Development Programs, contact Ken Chapman at 205.366.0265 or email Ken at kchapman@leaderscode.com.

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