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What To Do When You
Blow It
Copyright © All rights reserved
By Ken Chapman, Ph.D.
Ken Chapman & Associates, Inc.
“Alas
how terrible is wisdom when it brings no profit to the man who is wise”
SOPHOCLES
The surest way to be plagued by mistakes and
problems is to try to eliminate them from your life. Yet that is exactly the
stance many people take with mistakes. It is called the
everything-is-going-to-smooth-out trap. But a mistake or problem is like
a box of Cracker Jack, it always comes with a prize. That prize is either a
message you needed to hear or a lesson you needed to learn. For instance,
when a mistake happens in your department, consider that a red flag has been
raised. A system has broken down, someone needs more training, you’re under
or over staffed. As a team member or team leader you need this kind of
information. Do not resent it; welcome it, then do something about it.
If you consistently learn from mistakes in this
way, then making them can actually increase your effectiveness. Mistakes
indicate you are trying new things. In today’s organizations, a person who is
willing to risk making a mistake is more valuable than someone who is afraid
to take any action. The fact is, successful people usually make more mistakes
than people who fail....but they also have more successes. They operate on
the proven principle that one success can outweigh a dozen failures.
The way you handle mistakes can also make you a
more respected team member. If you are able to stay cool and effective under
pressure, you will invite support. You will damage relationships by acting
irrationally and behaving regrettably. “Grace under pressure” is a rare
quality, but one that you must develop in order to be effective.
Also, learning to handle mistakes makes life a
lot easier. By accepting mistakes and crises, and learning from them, you
preserve your sanity. You do not waste time hiding from them and assigning
blame. You develop an equanimity that puts you in tune with reality — and
that not only feels better, it works better, too.
The trouble with the real world is that it is
full of problems. Sometimes they are more plentiful or more difficult than at
other times. Sometimes we have no control over them, and sometimes they are
clearly our fault. But we will always have them. Yet many people feel that
the very appearance of a problem calls their competence into question, which
immediately undermines their confidence. You eliminate that danger the minute
you understand that life’s problems come with the territory. They do not
develop because you are a bad person and deserve to be punished, but simply because you are a human being on the
planet earth. This is an important point, because facing a problem demands
that your confidence level be at its highest. So try this: The next time you
run into a problem, look at it as a challenge. Expand with excitement and
confidence. Stand up to it. Stare it down. Tear it up and devour it. If
that sounds like something your high school football coach would say, it’s
because to deal with problems effectively, you really do have to accept them
as wholesome challenges, and consciously psych yourself up — put on your game
face.
When you can do that, you can begin to
appreciate problems as valuable learning experiences, and actually welcome
them.
THE HOW-TO-DO-ITS
1. Remember, life has setbacks.
Unfortunately, it really does. And the problem
staring you in the face right at this moment could be one of them. If that is
the case, then deal with the situation in the most mature manner you know.
Admit the failure, accept the responsibility, and bounce back as quickly as
you can. Do not let a bad set of circumstances destroy you or torpedo all
earlier successes. Everyone is vulnerable to setbacks; no reasonable person
expects you to never make a mistake. Just be sure to learn from them.
2. Buy time to clear your head.
It can be hard to clear your head when
everything around you is falling apart. It takes time. If at all possible,
get out of the crisis environment. Go to a movie, take five minutes to walk
around your building, lie down and do some relaxation exercises. Even if you
are not consciously thinking about solving your problem, you are solving it on
a level below consciousness. Allow this process to run its course and you
will be in a far better position to deal with your crisis.
3. Ask yourself the $64,000 question.
The question is: “What is the worst that could
happen?” What most people usually need when dealing with a mistake is a
little perspective. You can save yourself a lot of needless stress if you
realize, at the outset, that the consequences of a catastrophe may not be all
that catastrophic. At any rate, you will know how serious the problem is, and
where you stand. Another relevant question is: “In five years, will it
matter?” Consider: Will you be a bum living on skid row in five years if you
mishandle this predicament, or will it just be a temporary setback from which
you can rebound? The answer will stop you from crucifying yourself.
4. Do not react, respond.
Never panic. At the very least, never panic in
public. It is a matter of prudence. In a crisis people need to lean on
someone who is calm and seems to have control of themselves at the very
least. Let that person be you, even if you’re the one who caused the
problem. If you go berserk every time something goes wrong, you will gain a
well-deserved reputation as someone who cannot take the heat.
5. Allow yourself to feel what others are
feeling.
A major mistake or setback is a loss and human
beings have a natural way of dealing with loss. It is called mourning.
Mourning is usually associated with the loss of a loved one; but it is also
helpful in dealing with lesser losses, such as the loss of a job or a
promotion, or even the loss of esteem that comes with a major mistake. The
point of mourning is simply to integrate your loss, to accept yourself and the
world as being without that which you wanted. . .and yes, that involves
feeling the pain of it. Expressing your pain is far more therapeutic than
hiding from it or minimizing it (strangely enough it feels a lot better,
too). Go to a stall in the rest room and cry your eyes out if you need to.
Keep your perspective, learn your lesson, and then let the disappointment go.
6. Find the gift.
As we have noted, the best thing about a
mistake is that it always comes with a gift; a lesson or an opportunity.
Recently, I missed a deadline for mailing brochures in a direct-mail campaign
for a charity. I was left with a couple of large boxes of worthless
brochures. The event we were promoting was in three weeks, and the post
office needed at least two weeks to deliver the brochures. This was a major,
painful, costly mistake. There is nothing more worthless than dated
material. With some effort, I made myself look for the opportunity, but what
could it be — a brochure bonfire, a wiener roast, or a colorful landfill?
Finally, one of the organization’s volunteers hit upon it: Insert the
brochures into the newspaper and have them delivered the next day. And it
worked! It didn’t work as well as if we had mailed them, but we did get a
good response (and, more important, we were saved from losing a lot of
money.) The point is, don’t stop with the mistake. Accept, as a matter of
faith, that there is also an opportunity, and make it your job to find it.
7. Do something, even if it seems small.
Too often, particularly in crisis situations,
people become immobilized. They are experiencing the bad consequences of their
previous actions, and as a result they are incapable of taking any further
action. Momentarily, at least, they have lost their confidence. This is a
natural phenomenon, and it must be recognized and dealt with. When it happens
to you, get yourself back in the game by taking some decisive action, even if
it seems small.
8. Reach out and grab someone.
You are never more alone than when you have
just blown it. Your peers may even be busy making you the scapegoat. Your
reports have just had their faith in you shaken. Your boss is on the phone to
the headhunters. And everybody else is just staring at you in horror and
fascination. It can get gruesome. Reach out! Call a friend or your spouse
and tell them you need to talk. The benefits are that they will remind you
(one would hope) that you are not the idiot you think you are. They can help
you identify solutions, and finally, talking just plain feels good. Let down
any facades you may have built up to convince others that you’re invincible.
Going at it alone is too much hard work.
9. Deal with chronic mistake makers.
It is necessary. If someone is habitually
making a mistake and not learning from it or correcting it, you must deal with
it. Chronic poor performance raises frustration levels and lowers morale.
Without the benefit of the lesson and the correction, mistakes just aren’t
worth the hassle. Consider this, people deserve the opportunity to be in a
position where they can succeed. Help people find their success place.
10. Never attempt a cover-up.
When things go wrong, do not respond by looking
for ways to cover your mistakes. You made a mistake, it is probably obvious to
everyone, and you are accountable for it. So admit it. It is a drag to deal
with someone who refuses to acknowledge a mistake or becomes defensive over
it.
One of the most important lessons professionals
must learn is that they are obliged to fulfill their responsibilities, no
matter what the mitigating circumstances. In school you may have been able to
get away with excuses like, “I did not know we were going to be tested on
those chapters,” or “My girlfriend left me and I’m a mess,” or “My dog ate my
term paper.” But in the real world, forgetting, misunderstanding, assuming,
and being let down by other people (or animals) do not get you off the hook.
Being accountable for your own work is tough
enough, but it gets really stressful when you allow yourself to become
accountable for the work of others. People — even the most trustworthy and
competent people — sometimes make stupid mistakes and it is impossible to
predict them.
Your first response should be to do what you
can to put things back on course or minimize the damage. After that, look at
the situation with an eye toward seeing what you could have done to avoid it
altogether, and thereby ensure that you will learn from the experience.
11. Show some remorse.
Almost as bad as refusing to admit your mistake
is refusing to admit it has done damage. Never trivialize a mistake or slough
it off with an “Oh well, everything will work out.” If people think you do
not care about the mistakes you make, they will have no faith in your
motivation to improve. There has to be an emotional catharsis. Your mistake
has upset things; you must demonstrate your concern for the problem you have
caused. You do not have to throw yourself on the floor and wail, but it might
not be a bad idea to approach your associates and say something like; “I know
I really messed things up, and I want you to know I am sorry.”
Now, what if your mistake was not exactly an
honest one, but actually the result of negligence or carelessness? Even in
embarrassing cases like these, accountability is the best policy. Make sure
everyone concerned knows that you know you messed up . . . and, that to
demonstrate how sorry you are, you can be counted on to make things right.
12. Demonstrate that you have learned from the
experience.
Make sure the people around you know you have
learned from your mistake. The best way to do this is to have a system. You
might consider a system such as the one that follows. Select a brightly
colored file folder and label it “Mistakes and the Lessons I have Learned.”
(Remember, the process of writing an idea imprints it on your mind.) When you
have completed the following form (or one of your own design), consider
sending it out as a memo to affected parties (like your associates) and then
file a copy. It pays to encourage this system among associates as well; just
make sure you do it in the spirit of growth, not punishment. You may even
want to get everybody together with their Mistake/Learning Files
occasionally to remind yourselves, as the saying at the bottom of the form
suggests, how much smarter you are than you used to be.
Mistakes & the Lessons I have Learned:
1. What the mistake was (describe actual
events):
2. Why it happened:
3. What I did to fix or minimize the damage
(include: What is the opportunity?):
4. What I have learned from this mistake:
5. Other mistakes I can fix, or opportunities
I can realize because of the lesson I have learned:
“People ask me why we have been so successful. . .I tell them it is
because I have made a lot of mistakes. . .so all I have to do is ‘the smart
thing’. . .Do not make the same mistake twice.” Paul “Bear” Bryant
Notes:
For more information
about Ken Chapman and Associates’ Leadership Development Programs, contact Ken
Chapman at 205.366.0265 or email Ken at
kchapman@leaderscode.com.
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