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Article Act—Don’t React
It is probably fair to say that
we all go through periods of time when it seems like our lives resemble a
soap opera, either through endless crises or confrontations.
While crisis and confrontation may be entertaining on television,
they make for a frustrating and fairly unsatisfying personal and
professional life. Most of us
would rather have some peace of mind rather than daily drama.
And if we would have more peace of mind and less drama in our
lives, we simply have to take charge of the script.
We have to learn to act instead of just reacting to what goes on
around us. We have to make
deliberate choices about how we are going to look at things and, most of
all, how we are going to respond to the events that are beyond our
control. The fact is that
most people simply react without thinking, especially in situations in
which they feel hassled or threatened. We are constantly responding to
the stimuli in our environment—an annoying co-worker, a whining child, a
grumpy spouse. Instead of
considering what is really going on or the most constructive way to
respond, it is very tempting simply to lash out in ways that are not very
helpful. Of course this usually results
in negative consequences. If
another person is involved, the result is likely to be hurt feelings,
angry responses, or out and out resistance.
Then again, it is also true that some of us have this difficulty
even when we are alone. We
will sometimes let circumstances control us instead of the other way
around. For example, we find
ourselves caught in traffic and we feel powerless, so we make ourselves
miserable with anger and frustration. It would be a far more constructive response, (that is a
chosen response on our part), to force ourselves, conscientiously if
necessary, to think about more constructive things.
We could make a list of the things we will do when we get out of
the traffic. We could give
some thought to the things that maybe we need to think through more
carefully while we have the time to do so.
We could make use of captive down time rather than fuming about the
delay in our day. We have to
learn to separate what we can control from what we cannot control.
And certainly the traffic that we find ourselves in is something
that we can rarely control. The fact is that we cannot
control other people and often cannot control the circumstances around us.
All we can do is choose our response.
We can only control how we respond and we have to focus on that and
that alone. If we want to reduce the amount of drama and stress in our lives and increase the peace, we have to stop simply reacting and begin choosing our actions. A good place to begin is to reflect on what is working in our lives and what is not. In the big picture, we have to be willing to consider what behavior has been getting us where we want to be and what behaviors have been hindering our progress. Here are some more strategies that can help each of us be more active and less reactive.
It is very easy for any one of
us to lead lives that are ripe for stress.
But if we would have peace rather than drama, we have to take time
to claim some happiness. We
have to be willing to pause long enough to do things as simple as kiss a
spouse, hug our children, or whatever else might help to center us and
give us a sense of confidence about our lives. The bottom line—if we want to enjoy a sense of peace in our lives, we have to let go of anger and resentment, bring a sense of purpose to our daily activities, and be willing to count our blessings, to be grateful for what is right in our lives. This is best done by choosing how we will act, not by merely reacting. <End> |
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